Great Coaching (aka “How to Make Someone Feel Better Without Accidentally Making It Worse”)
Because sometimes people don’t need solutions…
they need someone to sit with them while they dramatically re-evaluate their entire life over one mildly inconvenient email.
Step 1: Resist the Urge to Fix Everything Like a DIY Dad
Someone says:
“I’m really overwhelmed.”
Bad coaching response:
“Have you tried a planner? Or waking up at 5am? Or becoming a different person entirely?”
Great coaching response:
“Yeah… that sounds like a lot.”
That’s it. That’s the magic spell.
Step 2: Validate Like You Mean It (Not Like a Robot)
People don’t want:
- Solutions
- Silver linings
- Inspirational quotes from 2012 Pinterest
They want:
- To not feel ridiculous for feeling things
Example:
Them: “I feel like I messed everything up.”
You:
- ❌ “No you didn’t!! Everything happens for a reason!! 🌈”
- ✅ “I can see why it feels that way. That situation was rough.”
No glitter. No TED Talk. Just reality.
Step 3: Understand the Emotional Scale
Sometimes the problem is small.
The feeling is… Oscar-worthy.
Example:
- Coffee order wrong → “My life is chaos”
- One awkward meeting → “I should move countries”
- Slightly off text reply → “I’ve ruined the relationship”
Great coaching doesn’t say:
“That’s not a big deal.”
It says:
“Okay, what part of this is actually bothering you most?”
(Translation: let’s gently separate the coffee from the existential crisis.)
Step 4: Ask Questions That Don’t Feel Like an Interrogation
Not:
- “Why would you do that?” (hello, courtroom drama)
But:
- “What’s been weighing on you the most?”
- “What would feel even 10% better right now?”
- “Do you want ideas, or do you just want to vent?”
That last one? Elite. Use it everywhere.
Step 5: Normalize the Chaos
People think:
- They’re the only one struggling
- Everyone else has life sorted
- Their brain is uniquely dramatic
Spoiler: no.
Great coaching sounds like:
“Honestly, a lot of people feel like this at some point.”
Not dismissive—grounding.
Step 6: Offer Help, Don’t Hijack the Situation
Bad:
“Here’s exactly what you need to do.”
(You have now become their life director.)
Better:
“Want me to help you think through a couple of options?”
Even better:
“We can figure it out together.”
Same support. Way less pressure.
Step 7: Tiny Wins > Life Overhauls
When someone feels awful, do NOT assign them a personality transformation.
Don’t say:
“You need a full routine reset, journaling practice, gym plan, hydration system—”
They can barely reply to emails.
Instead:
“What’s one small thing that might make today easier?”
Examples:
- Drink water
- Send one message
- Put on real clothes (optional but powerful)
- Sit outside and stare into the distance like a thoughtful movie character
Step 8: Sit With Them (Yes, Even in the Awkward Bit)
There’s always a moment where:
- They’re upset
- You’ve said something kind
- And now… silence
Do NOT panic-fill it with:
“Everything will be okay!! Anyway—”
Just let it be.
That silence? That’s where people actually feel supported.
Bonus: Things That Weirdly Help More Than Advice
- “That makes total sense.”
- “I’d probably feel the same.”
- “You don’t have to figure everything out today.”
- “I’m here.”
Simple. Not fancy. Extremely effective.
Final Thought
Great coaching isn’t about having the best answers.
It’s about:
- Not making someone feel silly
- Not taking over their life
- Not turning their feelings into a productivity project
It’s just being a calm, steady human while someone else is having a slightly chaotic human moment.
And honestly?
That’s rare.
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